So as you may or may not know, I’m unemployed right now. Sometimes I head up to LA to do some freelance work for a friend of mine but for the most part, I go rock climbing or cycle up and down the coast while I wait to hear back from a couple prospective employers. One of the side effects of all this free time is I’ve been roped into watching my niece while my sister is at work. My mother is usually the one with this responsibility, but she takes advantage of the fact that I really have nothing better to do, so she dumps a wriggling 10 month old that’s already walking on my lap so she can go out and get her nails done.
She’s a funny little thing, tottering about on new legs, and it reminds me of the days when I was a teenager experimenting with alcohol, staggering about, screaming at inanimate objects, giggling uncontrollably and hugging peoples legs. I sit and watch her for hours as she spastically stumbles about the living room, often losing her balance. She hasn’t quite figured out that her hands can be used to stop her fall yet and lately she’s been using her head when she goes over forwards. It’s quite comical, this tiny person, legs straight, bent at the waist balancing precariously on tiptoes and forehead while the arms are waved about wildly. Then there’s the eating. She’s like a little goat. Anything and everything gets shoved into her mouth and the stuff she’s not quite sure about gets spat out onto the floor. Duck Confit? That’s a keeper. Vietnamese BBQ pork? Thrown to the floor with extreme prejudice. She’s quite the helper too as when she’s finished eating, she cleans up her high chair tray by sweeping everything onto the floor. Fortunately for us, we have Zoe, a 140lb Newfoundland that would eat the coffee table if she could just get that one leg started. Zoe prowls about under the high chair while the baby eats, picking up any and every morsel, fresh or masticated. Being a proud Australian, I’ve also started her on a regimen of Vegemite on toast. At first she seemed a bit confused by the flavor, but now she attacks each piece, enthusiastically licking all the Vegemite from the toast and then depositing the sodden remains on the floor for the dog to consume. She’s such a sharer. Speaking of sharing, she’s also taken to giving the dog treats. She toddles into the pantry, retrieves a dog biscuit, has a bit of a taste herself and then waddles over to the salivating dog. Zoe can barely contain herself at the thought of food and invariably, the dog takes not only the biscuit, but a good part of the baby’s arm as well. Fortunately, Zoe is a gentle old beast, and the only harm done is a generous application of slobber.
Cienna’s a good baby, and I’m not sure my sister realizes how easy she has it. She eats without complaint, is always in a good mood and goes to sleep when you put her in bed. Well most of the time anyway. I can only hope that once I find a girl willing to let me impregnate her, our spawn will be as well behaved.
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